Marriage is All About Good and Bad Credit—And YOU have to Know When to Cash In

I’m not one for nicknames really, but one that my wife has always called me is Hermit—short for Hermit Crab. She uses this against me in times of me wanting to not travel, try new things, or really do anything outside of my comfort zone. I typically have a “stay in my own shell” type of mentality, so unfortunately I agree with her. She could’ve definitely went with a way more awesome animal to name me after though… tigers, honey badgers, and wolverines all enjoy their solitary environments as well babe, not a big deal though…Tasmanian Devil would’ve been pretty sick btw. What can I say?!?! I watch a lot of animal planet…

One of the things that I have always held onto dearly and been unwilling to change is my love for old school sitcoms from the 90s and 2000s. Liz may want to watch something new or a movie on Netflix and I’ll turn on an old school re-run from the DVR Hermit Crab style. My favorite show is one some of you may be familiar with titled The King of Queens. It first aired in the late 90s and I have been watching re-runs of it since the show ended during my senior year of college (seriously, it’s on my DVR and I watch episodes all the time and laugh the same way every time).

For you youngsters reading this, The Kings of Queens is a TV show that pretty much dissects all facets of marriage and the life that ensues in a comedic style…everyday challenges like dealing with inlaws, day to day responsibilities, insecurities, all that good stuff. One of my favorite episodes in the entire series is about a weekend getaway that Doug (the husband) plans for him and his wife, Carrie, to a wellness spa. The getaway is an out of the blue gift to Carrie and out of the ordinary act from anything Doug would normally do…

Carrie thinks it’s a new leaf her husband is turning over to take their relationship to the next level. But when she tries to repay Doug with sexual role play for his good deed, he has to reject her, stating only that he must because he doesn’t want to ruin the credit he has just earned for the wellness spa getaway. Instead of using his credit on sex, he wants to cash it in on a trip to Vegas to watch a UFC championship fight with his friend. This undoubtedly takes Carrie by surprise and ticks her off. It is hilarious though…

I highly suggest spending 4.5 minutes of your life watching the clip here then coming back to the blog (it all ties into the blog…so go watch it): Good Credit Gone Bad (Watch 16:16-20:56 or watch the entire episode).

I saw this episode many years ago, long before I was married. I never would’ve thought that it was so true, but it really is. Marriage is all about credit—good and bad—and you have to know when you can cash in.

Now I am pretty funny with my credit. I always know what I have in the account, but never make it public knowledge to my wife, kind of like Doug. I figure my good deeds get noticed by Liz and that she can kind of read between the lines and see what’s in my account. This is a dangerous tactic obviously, because some things that I count as credit she may not add up, giving me a false sense of being able to head out to play golf on the weekend. The reason I don’t display my credit constantly is because I don’t want to highlight every single time I cook, clean, bathe the girls, wash the dishes, set up the coffee, mow the lawn (not sure if she counts this for me but she will count it for herself I’m sure), get up early with the kids so she can sleep in, or go grocery shopping. I mean how much of a d-bag did that make me sound like just running that sentence on? These are all my routine types of things that typically add up to me being able to cash in/out by the weekend and head to the golf course. I highly believe that if I did not contribute in this way, golf wouldn’t be in the plans. If I want to do something extra, which is rare, like buy a new golf club, I’ll make a little credit noise by vacuuming her car out or giving the bathrooms or carpet a good deep cleaning. Maybe even throw in a solid foot rub. You know the good stuff. Although she may not be happy with me picking up an extra purchase or hobby for the weekend, she has to remember that I rubbed those knots out of her back and followed it up by running her a warm Epsom salt bath. Solid credit usage—that’s what it’s all about; it creates balance.

Liz on the other hand; she’s a big credit identifier when she wants to be. Makes a grocery trip? Count it. Set up the coffee for the next day. Count it. Cooks chicken and dumplings? Cha-ching. Does the laundry all the time? Getting good credit plus reward points. I’m absolutely ok with this though, because she rarely asks for anything extra; so it works out. When she does want to cash in, she can typically do whatever no issue. If anything, she typically asks for free time by herself or with friends, which is a good thing to ask for when you are stuck with a toddler and one year old all day. She handles all the bills too, another big win for her. Now that I think of it, about 3 weeks ago Liz let me play golf on both Saturday and Sunday…I bet she’s holding onto that credit…

Final point—in any marriage, it really should be give and take. As much as you give, you should really take a little bit, or in my case, one big 6 hour chunk to play golf once a weekend. Everyone should be selfish with something. It’s healthy. If you are building a bunch of credit in your mind and not using it or your spouse isn’t seeing it, you are getting a tad bit steamrolled and building up some resentment, so don’t kid yourself. I speak on this vocally and so publicly because my wife can tell when I get in moods and vice versa. She typically is more willing to admit it than me. But we know when one of us wants to swipe the credit card, and we typically allow it, because that balance is so important. By the way babe, this blog has got to be worth something, so I’ll be looking to cash it in this weekend!

I’d be eager to hear other stories of good and bad credit out there in the world if you’re comfortable making it public. How do you or your spouse earn good credit? I’d be open to gaining new strategies for myself so I can play more golf.   Let me know and comment below!

Peace and Carpe Diem!